Pardoned Turkey Kidnaps, Assaults Two

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BALTIMORE  — Police have confirmed that the turkey responsible for robbing and abducting two Maryland motorists on Thanksgiving is, in fact, the same foul ceremonially pardoned by President Barack Obama. The incident, reminiscent of the infamous Willie Horton affair, has shocked the eastern seaboard. Each year the president ceremonially pardons a turkey at the White House as a light-hearted start to the…