“If ‘smart’ means even the slightest restriction or inconvenience, we at the NRA will side with dumb every time,” LaPierre added.
“Lead poisoning is an elaborate myth propagated by activist scientists who want to ruin everything in life that’s fun, like shooting guns and licking paint— which happened to be my two favorite childhood pastimes.”
WASHINGTON — A new piece of possible legislation drafted by former Representative Asa Hutchison and co-authored by Wayne LaPierre seeks to prevent future school shootings by arming the nation’s children. The “NRA National School Shield Initiative,” would, among other safety measures, place armed guards in all schools and offer principals an online test that would suggest security measures for their particular schools.…
WASHINGTON — Frustrated by what they perceive as continued attacks on their constitutional rights, the NRA and gun enthusiasts used Gun Appreciation Day rallies to call for legislation that would guarantee Second Amendment protections for the possession of all weapons, be they traditional firearms or nuclear warheads. “Obama thinks that a nuclear arsenal is just fine and dandy when it comes to…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sources have confirmed that the National Rifle Association’s vice president, Wayne LaPierre, has been sitting up all night in his unlocked Virginia house waiting for an intruder to break in so he can blast him to pieces with his machine gun. “I have a right to protect my home and property,” said LaPierre in a statement. “Plus I’d…