Google Maps North Korean Gulags, Fails to Highlight Escape Routes

PYONGYANG — In an historic move, Google has finally documented the villages, highways, and prison camps of the world’s most secretive nation, but somehow neglected to include the country’s most important and sought-after map feature: escape routes. Following a visit to the North Korean capital by Google chairman Eric E. Schmidt early in January, a country that has historically remained largely uncharted…

Al Jazeera America Vows to Deliver No-Nonsense Coverage of Kardashians and Cute Kittens

DOHA, Qatar — A month after Al Jazeera announced they had acquired Current TV and would be launching Al Jazeera America, new details have emerged regarding the Qatari-based network’s plans for original programming. In an interview on Monday, Al Jazeera Director General Ahmed bin Jassim Al Thani revealed that the new 24-hour news station would combine Al Jazeera’s award-winning reporting with the “lowbrow…

General Regrets Telling Prince Harry Wedding Party Was Taliban Regiment

KABUL, Afghanistan — After Britain’s Prince Harry’s recent acknowledgement that he killed Taliban insurgents on his latest tour of duty in Iraq, General Sir David Richards, military chief of the United Kingdom, told reporters yesterday that he deeply regrets jokingly identifying an Afghan wedding party as a Taliban regiment to the Prince during a recent patrol. “The Prince was moaning about how…

Hotly Contested “Rename Palestine” Contest Produces Surprise Winner in “Palestine”

RAMALLAH, West Bank – President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority today announced the winning entry of the “Rename Palestine” contest which he had been running through Facebook and Twitter. “The people have tweeted their hearts out,” he said, “and the race was up in the air until the very last day, but I am proud to announce that henceforth, we shall…

Jesus a No-Show at Own Birthday Party Yet Again

JERUSALEM – For the 1,979th consecutive year, Jesus, Son of God, has failed to show up for the birthday party thrown in his honor by Christians all over the world.  Promising to return to Earth shortly after ascending into Heaven “to grab a pack of smokes” months after His 33rd birthday, He has failed to return since. “I believed this would be…

Ninety Percent of Syria Without Internet, Other Ten Percent Report Faster Download Speeds

DAMASCUS, Syria — After continued conflict between government forces and freedom fighters, 90 percent of Syrians are without phone or internet connections, while the other 10 percent report blazing fast download speeds. While broadband speeds have historically been a hot topic in the Middle East, analysts suspect that the increased connectivity for a minority of the population will have a significant impact…