LOS ANGELES –- It’s no secret our girl Taylor likes writing about the men in her life. From one break-up to the next, she takes heartache and molds it into musical magic. Now, for the first time ever, Taylor is releasing a “Greatest Break-Up Hits” album this February 14th. Newslo gives you a sneak peak and guesses which ex’s made the cut.
Track 1: “None Erection”
Staff at Newslo had a hard time figuring out which of Taylor’s ex’s inspired this bad boy. Our money is on Harry Styles. For starters, he’s like 8 years old, isn’t he? We find it probable that when it comes to erections, he achieves… none. Also, the title rhymes with One Direction.
Track 2: “Boyfriend You Stink”
This was easy. Obviously it’s Conor Kennedy, son of Robert Kennedy Jr. I mean, the title really conveys it all. The boyfriend in this song “stinks.” Conor was a stinky boyfriend. Probably. Definitely. Probably.
Track 3: “The Mayer of Doucheville”
This is very complicated. You see, it’s well-known fact our girl Tay Tay is prone to spelling errors. Here at Newslo we’re 89% sure her name was intended to be Tailor Swift, but thanks to her paperwork booboos she had to go with “Taylor.” Thus, it’s possible she’s misspelled mayor. Then again, it’s also possible she hates John Mayer and thinks he’s a douche.
Track 4: “Break-Up Mountain”
Okay, this one is hella tough. Lots of people break-up on mountains. We have no idea which ex inspired this song.
Track 5: “Twilight Zone”
This one is a piece of cake. “Zone” makes me think of parking spaces, and parking spaces make me think of cars, and cars make me think of Edward saving Bella from a car. And that makes me think of people loving Bella. And that makes me think of Jacob because he loved Bella. And Taylor Lautner played Jacob. So it’s him. DUH.
Track 6: “Your Pants Were Tighter Than Mine”
Joe Jonas. No question.