WASHINGTON — Representatives from Tea Party Patriots, Tea Party Express, and The Nationwide Tea Party Coalition have gathered in the heart of the Texas Panhandle to prepare for the festivities surrounding the inauguration of Republican Mitt Romney as President of the United States on Monday, January 21, despite numerous reports that Romney was not, in fact, elected.
“It’s like a dream come true,” said Tea Party Express Leader Amy Kremer. “We worked hard to kick that Kenyan Muslim Socialist Commie out of office and get a true patriot into the White House. On Monday, we celebrate our hard-earned victory.”
Planning for what organizers are calling The Real American Inauguration have been underway almost from the moment Romney was defeated by President Obama on election day, and organizers promise an unforgettable event.
“Folks are going to flip out when they see who we’ve got coming,” said Tea Party Nation CEO Judson Phillips. “For starters, Jon Voight and Kelsey Grammar are opening the show with a dramatic reading of all the good parts of the Constitution. Then we’ll have speeches from Allan West, one of the Palin kids, and Rand or Ron Paul, I forget which. After that, Keynote Speaker Glenn Beck will give the Oath of Office to President Romney, and we’ll close the show with Ted Nugent singing Cat Scratch Fever. It’s gonna be hot!”
With the amount of energy, passion, and enthusiasm on display as organizers installed port-a-potties throughout the city, it was easy to forget that President Obama won the election. When asked about this discrepancy, Tea Party Patriots Co-founder Jenny Beth Martin stuck her fingers in her ear and said, “la la la la la.”
Asked if he was planning on attending his Inauguration, Romney responded, “associate with Commoners? You’re joking, right?”