Tea Party Names Former KGB Agent Vladimir Putin ‘Freedom Lover of the Year’

ATLANTA – Current Russian president and former KGB officer Vladimir Putin has been awarded the Tea Party Patriots’ coveted “Freedom Lover of the Year” award for 2013. Mark Meckler, co-founder of the Tea Party Patriots, said that the organization chose Mr. Putin—a former member of USSR’s Communist Party—to receive its highest honor because of his “efforts to prevent war in Syria” and his “brave stance against President Obama’s socialist policies.”

“We’ve been really impressed by Mr. Putin’s obvious love of freedom this year,” Meckler said in a YouTube video announcing the decision. “The way he stood up to Obama’s tyrannous plans to bomb Syria just made our hearts flutter. He’s quite handsome, too.”

“Have you seen those pictures of him with his shirt off?” Meckler continued. “He loves freedom that much—he won’t even let clothing box him in.”

Although initially considered a long-shot candidate for the award, conservative organizations like the TPP have recently become enamored with Putin, a man who spent much of the 1980’s spying on the West for the KGB. His efforts to dissuade President Obama from using military force in Syria have earned Putin praise from conservative groups, as have his efforts to outlaw homosexuality in Russia. Even Republican members of congress seem newly receptive of Putin, and are willing to overlook reports that he has “unleashed a crackdown on civil society unprecedented in [Russia’s] post-Soviet history.”

“What happens in Russia is none of our business,” said Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.), 2012’s Freedom Lover of the Year. “But between Snowden and Syria, he’s really been putting Obama in his place—and if you hate Obama, you must love freedom. I’m happy to pass the torch to Vladimir.”

Mr. Putin said through an aide that he has no plans to attend the award’s presentation ceremony, scheduled for next week. “Awards are for sissy men who don’t even kill their own dinner,” said Mr. Putin. “Thanks but no thanks.”