Ted Cruz Renounces Canadian Citizenship, Tattoos American Flag on Forehead

HOUSTON – Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) has officially renounced his Canadian citizenship nine months after learning that, because he was born in Calgary, he was technically a citizen there. Cruz is now a citizen of the United States only, and this week celebrated his new “pure-bred” legal status by having the American flag tattooed directly onto his forehead.

“I’m seriously an American, you guys,” Cruz said on his Facebook page Wednesday. “I know people have questioned just how American I am. Well, now they could look me right and the face and see how much I believe in the Stars & Stripes.”

Cruz was born in Canada to an American mother and a Cuban father. His mother’s American citizenship was passed onto him, but because he was born in Canada he was automatically given citizenship there as well. Cruz claims that he was unaware that Canada considered him a citizen, and notes that he identifies entirely as an American–enough to spend the rest of his life walking around with America’s greatest symbol tattooed on his face.

“It’s tastefully done, though,” Cruz assured his followers Wednesday. “As a US senator, I can’t afford to look ridiculous.”

A source close to Cruz said that the senator wanted to make a “bold demonstration” of his patriotism and dedication to the United States. “We thought about holding a rally or a giant pizza party, but eventually hit on the idea of a tattoo,” the source explained. “Ted wanted to have a bald eagle ‘tramp stamp’ tattooed on his backside, but I advised against it—what’s the point if it’s hidden 90% of the time?”

When it came to light nine months ago that Cruz held dual citizenship in the United States and Canada, some believed it might jeopardize his chances for winning the White House in 2016 by calling into question the constitutionality of his candidacy (only native-born American citizens can serve as president). Although most experts believe that Cruz already qualified to run for the nation’s highest office, the senator soon began the process of renouncing his citizenship, and this week received a letter informing him that the process had been completed.

Cruz said he was “so excited by the news” that he immediately booked an appointment with Hank Todd, a Houston-area tattoo artist who specializes in Americana and “puppy portraits.”

“Hank is the best,” Cruz said Wednesday. “He’s like an artist, you know, and my forehead was his canvas. I think the result blows Van Gogh out of the water.”

No man with a tattoo on his face has ever been elected president, but Cruz says he “plans on setting a lot of precedents” in the coming years.

“I’ll be the first Latino president, as well as the first president to love America so much he’ll tattoo it to his body to show it,” Cruz explained. “And it’s about time, I say.”