Ted Cruz: “Dildos Are More Dangerous For America Than ISIS”

Ted Cruz claims Americans do not have the right to stimulate their own genitals. During his tenure as Texas solicitor general, a post he held from 2003 to 2008, Cruz defended a Texas ban on the sale of dildos and other sex toys, and in doing so made the claim that Americans have no right to masturbate. “There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship,” he said. Mother Jones reports that in 2007, Cruz filed a 76-page brief with the US Court of Appeals, arguing that there is “no right to promote dildos, vibrators and other obscene devices.”

Commenting on his failed case before the Court of Appeals, which was rejected by a 2-1 decision, Cruz continued with the same rhetoric, saying that “if we do not stop masturbation right now, we are all going to be judged by a court far more meaningful and terrifying than any earthly tribunal.”

“Masturbation is a sin, and we need to get that through our thick skulls, like, yesterday. But, what’s more devastating than the existence of masturbation is the fact that women tend to use different kinds of sexual aids in order to have orgasms. I mean, as if sex wasn’t enough. That is why every dildo out there should be considered the Devil’s own finger,” he argued.

The Ivy League-educated Republican presidential candidate also went on to say that “we have gotten to a point where a simple dildo, an obscene sex toy made from silicone, is more dangerous for our country than one of the most dangerous and threatening terrorist organizations in the world right now that is ISIS.”

“And what pains me even more is the fact that Americans are bringing this onto themselves, completely free from any outside influences or pressure. We have utterly surrendered ourselves to sin, and will be responsible for our nation’s downfall. Our women are mostly to blame, though the men aren’t completely free of responsibility either. At least ISIS is an outside, hostile organization; we’re used to those. But masturbation as a sin – that’s 100% on us,” he added.

“In fact,” Cruz also said, “where we sit now, we’d better take in as many refugees as we possibly can, because, let’s face it – they don’t masturbate. It’s just not in their culture. So, they might help to balance out the orgasm-addiction American women suffer from. You know, sort of counter out the effects. Or at least, you know, reduce them to a more reasonable amount.”

“Because at the rate we’re going now – and I have a statistic here that says every woman in America between the ages of 16 and 52 has 1.4 orgasms on average per day – we are looking at Armageddon before the election in November. Now that might not be significant to you, but it is very important for me. And I’m betting Donald Trump feels the same way.”

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