Ted Cruz’s Yiddish Ad Calls To Vote For Him Because His “Meshugene Tuches Was Chosen By Jesus”

Both Republican and Democratic candidates have been courting Jewish voters ahead of Tuesday’s New York primary vote, looking for an edge in competitive districts with large Jewish populations. Orthodox Jews, who make up a significant portion of New York’s Jewish population, have become an important bloc in the New York primary for both parties. Some candidates have also launched Yiddish language ad campaigns micro-targeting New York’s Hasidic population. For example, a Yiddish advertisement run by the Cruz campaign touted the Texas Senator’s conservative bona fides and religious faith.

“It is sad that we as a nation, despite our diversity, have gotten to a point where we only mention God, whichever one it may be, when we are going through hardships,” the ad argues. “Whether it is Jesus, Jehovah, Buda, Allah or some other deity, we only turn to them in our hour of need. And that is the reason why our great country is in the dire situation it is in today. No one talks about God when things are okay. No one mentions Him as frequently as they should, most people don’t even think about Him, let alone pray to Him as often as they should. And all of them see that, they can sense that. That is why they are punishing us.”

However, the Republican presidential candidate and Texas Senator believes Jews should vote for him because he was “chosen by God to be the next president of America.” “In the words of the simple folk,” Cruz touts Jews in the ad, “Jesus has chosen my meshugene tuches for some reason and he wants me to become the next president. Now, I don’t know why that is, but suffisive to say I am humbled and thrilled by His decision at the same time. He must have recognized my intentions of uniting all the religions that exist today in America under one common goal. And that goal, my Jewish friends, is the restoration of a great America. So, if He was able to recognize that, I appeal to you to do the same.”

Cruz also stated that Jesus has “told my father to start learning Yiddish” so that he would have the necessary means to “rid the Jewish people of New York of the troubles they are going through on a daily basis with religious discrimination.” “He has spoken to my father Rafael and told him, ‘You will learn the language of the Jews and you will be their savior. You will rid them of their pains and the torture they are suffering.’ And you know how he’s going to do that? Easy. He will convert all Jews to Christians. Because God works in mysterious ways, but sometimes those ways are very practical. And let’s face it – that’s the quickest and most painless way of dealing with a huge problem. You’ll thank me later.”