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Ted Nugent’s Wife Files for Divorce after being Outed as Ted Nugent’s Wife

DALLAS – Shemane Nugent, the wife of rock musician and gun enthusiast Ted Nugent, filed for divorce today, spelling an end to the couple’s 24-year marriage. According to a source close to the Nugent family, Shemane, 51, decided that “she had no choice” but to separate from Nugent after “the whole world discovered that she was married to him.”

Shemane—who was relatively unknown until recently—was outed as Ted Nugent’s wife on Friday, when she attempted to pass through Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport security with a firearm in her carry-on luggage. The handgun—which Shemane claimed to have been carrying because she had received death threats—was discovered, and she was taken into custody. “I had totally forgotten it was in there,” Nugent claimed after being released on bail. “I mean, Jesus, I live with Ted Nugent, a man who carries half an armory in his ass crack. We’ve got guns all over the goddamn place.”

Mrs. Nugent maintains that she should not have been detained for a “simple mistake,” but did issue a public apology in which she expressed remorse for having spent over two decades married to “a man who once publicly threatened to murder Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton, and who has referred to black people as ‘mongrels’.”

“It was one thing being married to him when nobody knew who I was,” Mrs. Nugent said. “His music earned us a lot of money—we had an amazing house, despite the lingering smell of deer carcass, and we were constantly traveling the world, drinking the finest moonshine, eating the most savory varmint. But, for reasons that should be obvious, I cannot be publicly known as Mrs. Ted Nugent, and I have therefore filed for divorce.”

Ted Nugent—one of the NRA’s most prominent members and an attendee at 2013’s State of the Union address—could not be reached directly for comment, but said through a spokesman that he “didn’t care, because hunting is better than sex anyway,” and added that Shemane could “suck on his machine gun.”

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137 COMMENTS

  1. So, she stayed married to him, for 24 years, because, life was good?
    Now, people know who she is, and she’s filing for divorce?
    This seems rather odd!
    He seems to have been a dick all along but since he had money, she stayed, as long as no one knew her?
    Someone must have know her and knew she was married to him!
    Very odd story!

  2. All you Hypocrites, sitting on your ivory towers, know nothing of the Ted and Shemane’s marriage. If you live in a glass house don’t start throwing rocks unless you’re all lilly white and have no skeltons in your closets. You are the kind of people that always come out of the woodwork and let your Alligator mouth overun your Canary ass! All you people can do is gossip about people you don’t even know. What does this say about you and your integrity! You gutter dwellers make me sick!

  3. I don’t think many of the commenters read the story. One of the first things one should do when reading an article (especially one that is online) is consider the source. Newslo, The Onion and several others specialize in satire. Satire is a literary form with which apparently many of you are unfamiliar.

    Satire: the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

    Got it?

  4. Oh good lord it says hide or show facts at the TOP OF THEW ARTICLE! That should be a dead giveaway that most or all of it can be just satire.

    “I read it on the interest so it has to be true!!!!! Well..Read this..Y’all a bunch of dumbasses. And remember..You read it on the internet. >:-P

  5. I guess its just ok with everyone to allow these rags to print anything they want and so many of you sheeple will believe it. Get a life do some research before you decide to incinerate someone on the internet. The ignorance of our citizens is what got us where we are. Even a teacher who will impression our kids. Come on most of what is reported on the Internet is full of inaccuracies. Wake up people!

  6. To Mike Brotherton who said “such hateful comments” about these postings. That is hilarious given the message of hate spewed by Nugent who is akin to the Devil himself and loves the feel of his machine gun more than that of a woman. How can you feel sorry for this bastard because his dumb ass wife left him?

  7. But wait. Sarah Palin spent time with Ted in Texas this month and Ted claims and the teabagger base believes that Ted never did drugs or booze, geez, anyone who knew Ted in the 1960’s on up knows this is a huge lie. Ted was so messed up back then he just can;t remember it all. Never done drugs reminds me of Nixon and “I am not a liar or I can’t recall, too.

  8. Today being the most happiest day of my life after 1 year of sadness and sorrow without being with the one i love so much, i tried all my possible best to make sure i make my lover happy but it never seems to work out well it was like am doing everything in vain but all thanks to Dr onofe for coming to change all my worries and sadness to Joy. i knew the great man when i read some wonderful reviews about Dr Onofe how he has helped a lots of people on there relationship problem i was reading a magazine which then i saw great testimonies as well which then i decided not to waste time because i have missed my lover so much i decided to contact him and share all my problem with him which then he told me not to worry that he assures me that within 48 hours everything would be sorted out i believed Dr Onofe so much because i believe he can’t fail me but truly Dr Onofe never failed me cos a man that stand on his worlds is really a man,my husband who left me for a year plus replied my text and for the first time returned my calls and asked me to please forgive him i was so happy and so grateful to Dr Onofe for what he has done for me. if you are there passing through this same problem or of any kinds just contact this great man on onofetemple@yahoo.com or his website http://onofetemple.wix.com/http call him on +2348100078330. THANK YOU SO MUCH Dr ONOFE

  9. Today being the most happiest day of my life after 1 year of sadness and sorrow without being with the one i love so much, i tried all my possible best to make sure i make my lover happy but it never seems to work out well it was like am doing everything in vain but all thanks to Dr onofe for coming to change all my worries and sadness to Joy. i knew the great man when i read some wonderful reviews about Dr Onofe how he has helped a lots of people on there relationship problem i was reading a magazine which then i saw great testimonies as well which then i decided not to waste time because i have missed my lover so much i decided to contact him and share all my problem with him which then he told me not to worry that he assures me that within 48 hours everything would be sorted out i believed Dr Onofe so much because i believe he can’t fail me but truly Dr Onofe never failed me cos a man that stand on his worlds is really a man,my husband who left me for a year plus replied my text and for the first time returned my calls and asked me to please forgive him i was so happy and so grateful to Dr Onofe for what he has done for me. if you are there passing through this same problem or of any kinds just contact this great man on onofetemple@yahoo.com or his website http://onofetemple.wix.com/http call him on +2348100078330. THANK YOU SO MUCH Dr ONOFE

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