LOS ANGELES — This Thursday, Manti Te’o will appear in all of his splendor for a highly anticipated face-to-face interview with Katie Couric. While many expect Te’o to give a subdued account of his victimhood, Newslo reporters got a sneak preview of the interview and found it to be nothing of the sort. Manti Te’o will take full personal credit for the hoax, and is to reveal the true immensity of his elaborate deception in a triumphant, gloating interview for which he is to receive upwards of $50 million in compensation.
“The web of illusions I have spun ensnares you all!” boomed Te’o as the interview begins, his eyes afire with power before a cowering Couric. The fearsome, fully revealed Te’o laughed maniacally, and then detailed the true cunning with which he orchestrated his hoax. He described how, just before giving his anonymous tip to Deadspin, Te’o signed with talent agency CAA and agent Tom Condon. With professional representation, Te’o had cut ties with Notre Dame to allow him to be free to receive money for interviews and appearances. Insiders estimate that Te’o is personally making no less than $50 million on just this interview.
“This interview alone will make me richer than my entire draft class. I shall be more powerful than Johnny Manziel had ever dreamed of, and my fictitious love shall be more fascinating than AJ McCarron’s girlfriend, who is of mere flesh,” Te’o exulted, standing on Katie Couric’s desk.
“Tell me, Katie, do you know why you are here?” Jeered Te’o. “Do you know that I, Manti Te’o, am now represented by Hiltzick Strategies, the same PR firm that represents you? Do you now see the extent to which I have manipulated all of you!?” bellowed Te’o, before retreating to a corner to vomit.
When a trembling and sobbing Couric asked Manti if he has everything under control, the athlete vehemently spat back, “The plot thickens and thins as I will it!” Other highlights of the interview include Te’o exclaiming, “Ronaiah Tuiasosopo is a pawn!” in response to a question about the man’s involvement in the hoax, and a five-minute segment of Te’o roaring incoherently. Several times in the segment he refers to himself as “the Great Deceiver.”
The interview will air on Thursday on Couric’s syndicated ABC talk show, “Katie.”