The Super Bowl as Viewed by Some Girl Whose Boyfriend Made Her Watch It

My boyfriend made me think he was the sweetest guy ever because he said he was taking me to see a Beyonce concert tonight. I was obviously excited until I realized we were just going to watch the Super Bowl. I’m pretty sure that was the game where Alabama played whatever team that guy with the fake cyber-girlfriend was on, but whatever.

I was wondering why he got mad at me for wearing red when I came downstairs because Beyonce totes rocks red, but apparently that’s the color of the 49ers so I had to go change, which pissed me off even more because I look terrible in purple. Then we went to this party at his friend Brad’s house where everyone was drinking Coors Light and yelling. Ugh.

But then, omg, the game started and Colin Capper-something came on TV looking like some mythological God out of 300 and I suddenly didn’t even care that Brad had just spilled beer all over my new Chanel bag. Not to mention the party we went to had this cheese and meat platter set up like those field goal thingies which was totally cute.

I kept waiting for Tom Brady to come on TV because he’s so hot (Giselle is so lucky, but she’s totes gorg too so whatevs), but apparently he wasn’t invited to play this year. I don’t know, I don’t really get it. I seriously tried to pay attention to the game, but the announcer guy kept saying Harbaw or whatever like every four seconds so I got confused and went to call my friend Lexi to talk about which guys were hottest.

At intermission Beyonce came out and sang which was so freaking amazing I started crying. Thank God it wasn’t those old guys again from 2010. That was so annoying, but I guess it was, like, for charity or something. Idk.

After the Beyonce concert one of the teams got in this weird circle thing, which I had seen them do a bunch of times. I’m guessing they were just gossiping about the other team or talking about Bey.

Then, all of a sudden, all of the lights went off in the stadium. Everyone got super irritated, but I was super excited because I totes thought Beyonce was going to come back on! Ugh, turns out someone just forgot to like pay the electricity bill or something.

Anyways, just when I thought the game was getting boring enough for us to leave, the red team scored a bunch of points so we actually had to watch the whole thing. So annoying. Whatever, I don’t even know how the game ended. As far as I’m concerned Beyonce won the Super Bowl.