SALT LAKE CITY – A member of the first presidency of the Mormon the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as the Mormon Church) today publicly admitted that the entire religion was completely bogus, and that the church hierarchy has been making things up for the past 200 years. “To be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the church have simply made mistakes,” said President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, second counselor in the church’s governing body. “There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles or doctrine.”
“Like the underwear thing? That was a joke that really went too far,” said Uchtdorf. “No sodas? Way harsh. And don’t even get me started on polygamy.”
The announcement came as more and more Mormons have taken to the Internet to share their doubts, bringing to light the inner turmoil of the church. “While many of the faithful have had honest doubts and disagreements on scripture, we’d all pretty much figured out the whole ‘You have to give 10% of your money to the church no matter what’ bit was just a big pyramid scam,” admitted Scott Gordon, president of FAIRMormon, a group that defends the church.
“We openly acknowledge that in nearly 200 years of church history… there have been some things said and done that could cause people to question,” said Uchtdorf, speaking to 20,000 Mormons gathered for the 183rd semiannual general conference in Salt Lake City as well as millions more watching telecasts and over the Internet.
According to Uchtdorf, some of the possible ‘mistakes’ made over the years include:
- No Mormon is allowed to drink a hot beverage. ‘hot drinks are not for the body or belly’ -Doctrine and Covenants 89: 9.
- Mormons should bathe in alcohol. ‘strong drinks are not for the belly, but for the washing of your bodies’ – Doctrine and Covenants 89: 7
- The practice of converting dead people to Mormonism. ‘For this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh’ – Doctrine and Covenants 138: 10
- The teaching that Joseph Smith translated the original holy Mormon scriptures by staring into a hat.
“Also, that bit about the Garden of Eden being in America?” said Uchtdorg, referring to the Mormon belief that the Garden of Eden is located in Missouri. “We just had some land and were hoping to build a theme park. It seemed a good idea at the time.”
Uchtdorg went on to apologize to the 15 million members of the Mormon Church if they had been in any way inconvenienced by living their lives according to the false teachings of Mormonism, and hoped there were no hard feelings.
He then announced that he had seen the light and was converting to Scientology.
40 comments
Hey a show facts button, that’s nifty.
I HAVE NEVER READ SUCH A LOAD OF CODSWALLUP IN MY LIFE.WHO EVER WROTE THIS IS ROUND THE TWIST. GET A LIFE. WHY THE PICTURE ISN’T EVEN OF THE PERSON WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SAID IT
out of the frying pan and into the fire…..what is wrong with JESUS? The BIBLE teaches to follow GOD not man
This article is a total misrepresentation of what was said in that talk. Moses was imperfect, so Jonah.
To the Author, David Neilsen, Read your facts and thoroughly understand them. You are spreading lies. Read the whole article : http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/come-join-with-us?lang=eng
Elder Uchtdorf is right, there are times when members of the church made mistakes and sometimes but rarely leaders too. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is not manned by perfect aliens who came from a perfect planet.
I am a member of this Church and hold several leadership positions(callings) and yet I am not perfect. I sometimes commit mistakes, but is there a religion whose members doesnt commit mistakes? It is the same for leaders, they are members too who are called to lead the Church because they are faithful and extraordinary. But that doesn’t mean they never commit mistakes. They are still accountable for their actions to God.
Remember Peter who denied Jesus Christ 3 times? He was chosen by Jesus because he is faithful, but he is not perfect and so he commit mistakes. But did the Lord condemn his acts forever? NO, infact after the resurrection they sat together with His disciples to institute the sacrament.
What I am trying to say here is that Elder Uchtdorf didn’t say that the “Mormon Church is a fake religion” as you deceptively mention here. Plus the “underwear” and “sodas” that you invented that Elder Uchtdorf said is totally fallacious and misleading.
Religion kills more people than cancer
Is this the ex-mormon version of the Onion?
one group of nuts for another …
Admit it or not… and can be proven biblically… that mormon religion is really a fake religion. if there is a fake, there must be genuine or true religion, right?
How about listening to this man of God? Challenge him and he can prove to you that there is true religion of God…. challenge, challenge, challenge???
http://www.livestream.com/elisoriano
Good luck… and God bless…
Stupid things like this are what cause misinformation and create hate in the world. I realize it’s a satire site, but not everyone who reads this article will realize it was fake.
There are no scientific facts to support Mormon claims ,about Prehistoric America.
turning to Mormonism instead of something else is like running into the ditch instead of staying on track.
It’s interesting how we all want to have our own opinions and believe we have rights to them but are so quick to try to tear down another’s. This article is ridiculously false. No matter what faith you belong to if you go to the teachings of Jesus Christ you would see that he is a builder of faith and not one to tear it down.
The biggest mistake the early mormon church fathers made was to preach a different gospel than the one that the Apostle Paul preached. Some will think that I’m attacking mormons, but I’m not. A different gospel other than the one Paul preached is a gospel that does not save from judgment. http://downtownministries.blogspot.com/
Duh no shit sherlock who didnt know that? Much like all the others they are all man made ways to control you and your life…And he saw the light and is converting to Scientology rofl….one bat shit way to the other…
The Bible isn’t the “preserved word of God” for (at least) two reasons: a) there is no persona-God, and b) the Bible was written about aliens (not a divinity), as this expert linguist proves beyond any doubt whatsoever.
The Bible was mistranslated – on purpose. Here’s the truth:
Mauro Biglino, “Unexpected Bible” – Translating it literally (1 of 6) – English subtitles
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4MXLB6SwPg
The divine has no name (“god” is a misnomer) but is the source of all things. Religion brings names to the divine and thus creates all problems in the world.
Coming from a man that is converting to scientology. Which has been under fire for years.
Haha has seen the light and converts to Scientology. lolz
Converting to Scientology? Hey buddy that’s a few steps down..
You are just adding fuel to the “there are nothing but lies on the internet” fire.
This is satire. A form of comedy. Not true but fun to suppose.
Hilarious!
I was hoping to see in the talk the tittle of this article “Top Mormon Official Admits Mormonism is a Fake Religion” well i guess as fake as it is it’s just in the mouth of David Neilsen.
the writer on this article is thinking on his beyond imagination people are no ignorant today tha t doesnt listent and comprehend what others people say especially if they are known and peculiar people to listen to,do not miss inform people talks maybe it cost your lndividuality and family mis inform to when times you needed help most.feel sorry to you brother’
LOL funny guy if he mean that the entire religion is a hoax? then he shift into Scientology. nyahahaha he prefer to watch starwars and sci-fi movies than going to church.anyway “too much knowledge is same as Insanity”.i prefer to go dumb and be good at it.believe what you want to nobody is holding you back,and if you have NO BETTER thought or words to say Please just keep stay calm and suit up.<(")
I want to point out that they picture the President of the Church, but the article is about his second councilor. that is really your first clue that this article is a load of poop. the author just wants you to think the highest members are saying the church is wrong. I don’t understand why people can’t just leave other religions alone. I don’t go around miss quoting the pope. why do people do that. It doesn’t help anything.
Its sad to see that this author hasnt the creative writing skills to write anything original or morally ethical, to the point where mockery and slander has to take place against a certain religious group. I feel sad for this person.
Wow… this story is as real as the tooth fairy living under my bed. If anyone believes this story to actually be true, you’re an idiot.
doesn’t surprise me that they haven’t said masturbation is ok they must be fine with teens killing themselves because they feel like they are abominations of god.
Not funny. Not mine to judge those who mock but I’s like to be a fly on the wall when judgement interview is held with God. If you are right then nothing. If we are right then OMG.
David Neilsen……what a funny guy…….not at all!!!! Complete douche.
SATIRE!
let the light shine upon you brother David Neilsen
.
Out of frying pan into fire. OMFSM He has lost it totally.
And he’s moving from SLC to LA.
satire alert.
This is the real declaration https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/come-join-with-us?lang=eng
Stupid bull shit shenanigans they start talking about a later added profit Joseph Smith… Then all the other lie and shit_ they try to pour on one.. Pure bastards_wastinf timewith that oother book to try and prove the Bible is real… Jack asses_ the true bible will always be and men will come and go
Jehovas witness have more believing deal…
Mormonism started in the garden of Eden, when the snake told eve, if she ate, she could become a god…..this is where Mormons get the idea of becoming gods….from the devil! Next, polygamy….comes from Cain, who had multiple wife’s, Mormons love to use the excuse that it was practiced in the bible, so it must have been ok….nope, wrong!! Cain introduced it, so that’s already two believes that Mormons base their religion on, & both came from evil! Next, Adam god theory, ya this one takes the cake, most Mormons don’t even know what this is, but both Joseph Smith & Brigham Young taught this in early Mormonism, don’t believe, look it up….its the believe that Adam came and impregnated Mary….in the flesh!!! Wow….then the best part….later, church officials claimed that the teaching was “incorrect”, and that the church no longer teaches that, nor BELIEVES that!! Yet, this was the teaching from the very beginning, by its prophet and founder, Joseph smith…and then taught still by Brigham. Young….and the church claims those teachings were incorrect….can you believe that nonsense, that it’s founders taught incorrect doctrines!!??? Amazing, don’t believe, Wikipedia it….adam god theory…that right there has caused me to completely stop believing anything the church teaches….satan is very good at deception, the church makes itself, sound and look good, but its teachings do not come from god! That’s why the church sends its missionaries to poor countries and poor areas, they teach them this BS story about how important families are, that they can be together forever, and how it’s bad to drink, smoke, etc…..the lds has mastered the trick of illusion, it sounds and looks good, like it’s Christian, but it never mentions where there teachings originated from….even Joseph Smiths wife left him, she didn’t support him or the church, she started her own….work for the dead, another form of polygamy, sealing dead people to people that are alive….jesus said let the dead take care of the dead….we have no business sealing or trying to save the dead…..but Mormonism ignores the teachings of the Savior, all the while calling itself, the church of Jesus Christ, what blasphemy!
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