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Toronto Mayor’s Crack Dealer Calls for His Resignation

  • November 4, 2013
  • NewsLo
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TORONTO – Toronto Mayor Rob Ford reached a new low on Thursday after a man claiming to be his crack dealer publicly called for his resignation with an open letter that was posted on the Toronto Star’s website.

Long-standing rumors of Ford’s drug use were confirmed this week when Toronto Police Chief Bill Blair announced he had obtained a video of the mayor using crack cocaine, but Ford is holding his ground and refusing to resign in spite of condemnations from almost every major Toronto media outlet.

The Toronto Star posted Slick Jay’s open letter to Ford in the online edition of their Sunday paper, prefacing the 400-word rant with a disclaimer that the Star Media Group, who owns the Star, does not condone “the actions of Rob Ford” or “the business of Slick Jay.”

“It’s time for Mr. Ford to step down. Toronto’s mayor is an even worse customer than he is a politician, and things need to change. The man is irresponsible by any business standards, drug related or not,” Slick Jay wrote.

“The video is water under the bridge, even though it has done significant damage to my entrepreneurial endeavors. However, my business relationship with the mayor has been characterized by staggering incompetence, constant lies, and a borderline sociopathic refusal to take responsibility for any of his actions.”

Slick Jay cited Ford’s 1999 DUI arrest and marijuana possession charge as proof that the mayor “should never have been trusted.” He also called out Ford for his well-known habit of skipping city council meetings to coach football, and revealed that Ford would use his “passion for the game” as an excuse to avoid meeting Slick Jay’s bagmen in a “timely manner.”

Slick Jay also targeted Ford’s younger brother, Doug, a Toronto City Councillor, for his repeated denial of Rob’s crack cocaine use, calling it a “bitch move.”

Pundits expect the loss of support in the junkie community to have a severe impact on the Ford brothers’ odds of reelection. In spite of mounting pressure, Mayor Ford issued a brief statement denying his involvement with Slick Jay or the “drug community” and again insisted that he would not vacate his office.

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  • news humor and satire
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