Trump: “So Far, Everything I Read On The Internet Turned Out To Be True”

Donald Trump has called the news media many things: “Disgusting.” “Dishonest.” “The press shop for Hillary Clinton.” And now journalists can add one more diss to that list: less factual than the internet. “Forget the press, read the internet, study other things,” the Republican presidential nominee told supporters in Colorado on Tuesday. “Don’t go for the mainstream media.” “I do get a lot of honesty over the internet,” he claimed.

“I remember, one time I was struggling to decide between which escort service to use, and was really in a difficult place because both had amazing girls, and I went online to check out the reviews from other customers, and believe me, I didn’t make the wrong decision,” the billionaire businessman revealed. “That’s just one example of the truth that I found on the internet; something that the mainstream media would love to get their hands on.”

He continued, “And, you know, I’m not just speaking from personal experience. Just think about it: how many people here tonight use the internet on a daily basis? Probably everyone, right? Well, how much useful information do you get from the web? Tons, correct? And what does that tell you? Exactly, the internet is our way of speaking the truth when mainstream media and other media outlets serve up a ton of lies wrapped in a pretty little package with a bow on top. Well, we’re not falling for that anymore, are we?” Trump yelled, causing applause and whistles of approval.

“And let me tell you something else – the generations of today are very blessed to be living in these modern times. Back when I was growing up, we didn’t have the internet, we had to do it all by hand. Those were tough times,” he complained. “But today, you can do stuff at the tap of a touchscreen. What reason do we have to doubt the sincerity of something that has made so many billion lives so much easier? That would be like looking a gift horse in the mouth, and any businessman will tell you – you don’t do that. Ever.”

“There is not a single piece of information that the internet has given me that has hurt or damaged me personally or my businesses,” Trump added. “I can tell you that I’ve only prospered from it and thanks to it. I have no reason to doubt it because it has never failed me, and that goes the same for all of you. And guess who’s saying we shouldn’t trust it? That’s right – newspapers and political talk shows, which are aired on television. Does that sound surprising?”

“I learned about World War II on the internet, I read about the recession on it, I’m constantly keeping tabs on the Chinese and what they’re planning via the web – there are virtually countless opportunities for everybody there. And all you gotta do is just give it the benefit of the doubt. I have and so far, everything I read there turned out to be true. If you don’t trust yourselves, trust me – I’m every bit as honest as the web,” he concluded.