Trump to Force Muslims to Register On Twitter

TRUMP TOWER, New York — Donald Trump, who over the holiday weekend took to Twitter to announce the election he won was rigged, has reportedly announced a plan to bring more traffic to the social media site, by requiring Muslims in the United States to register an account.

“It’s a phenomenal platform, Twitter. I tweet all the time. It gives a voice to the voiceless,” Mr. Trump announced in a tweet this morning. As to why he thought all Muslims should be required to have an account with the popular social media site he responded, “Everyone should be on twitter. Especially the Muslims. This way we can follow them. See who is verified and who is not. See what they hashtag. If they hashtag ISIS, we’ll know there’s a problem.”

When asked how a mass Twitter registry would be implemented, and how to account for the millions of Muslims already on Twitter — Trump said, “It’s a digital age. All you need is your phone, your computer. It’s amazing the time we live in, really anything’s possible. I mean, I’m the president. It’ll happen.”

The announcement comes with much concern from Trump-opponents who have drawn comparisons to Nazi Germany and cited the president elect’s tweets as evidence of his unfortunate temperament, ability to lash out, and make inappropriate and uncalled for comments.

“Let’s just say if Anne Frank’s diary was 140 characters, I might’ve read it,” Trump added, completely unprompted.

Mr. Trump has decreed his decision is final, unless he should change his mind down the line. “We’ll see what happens,” said Trump in unison with most of America.