U.S. Embassy Closures Give Workers Worst Summer Vacation Ever

SANA, Yemen — US embassy workers in North Africa and the Middle East are reporting that the ten-day closure of American embassies and consulates in these regions is resulting in the “worst summer vacation ever.”

Inside his family’s barricaded apartment, administrative coordinator of consular services Vincent Case said that while he understands the move is a necessary response to increased chatter amongst al Qaeda-linked terrorist groups targeting that region, the fact still remains that sitting around the house all day in a hostile country “kinda sucks.”

“The State Department called and said I didn’t have to go to work for ten days,” explained Case.  “Immediately I was like ‘awesome,’ maybe we’ll get out of here for a little family ‘vaca.’  Then they were like, ‘But don’t leave the country, we may need you in case there is some sort of emergency.’  Now what do we do?  I got a wife and three kids cooped up in here, the AC is on the fritz, and the only board game we have is Monopoly.  That always ends in a shouting match.  Hell, I’d rather be in a bombed out embassy.”

Making an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, President Obama said that the move is only a precautionary measure, and that Americans living in or traveling to these regions should “exercise common sense.”  “Easy for him to say,” said Case as his children argued over whether landing on the Free Parking space meant just sitting there until your next turn or winning all the money in the Community Chest.  “He can get out of the house whenever he wants with that huge security detail.”

Case also added that all he wanted to do was serve his country, not sit on his ass.   “Exercise common sense?  If I did that I wouldn’t even be in this godforsaken hellhole.”

As his family shrieked because his oldest child was “just building hotels all over the place,” he silently wished he was at least assigned to country where “you could get a goddamn drink.”