U.S. Government Legalizes Propaganda to Compete with Fox News, MSNBC

WASHINGTON — This month, for the first time in over 50 years, the United States government can legally attempt to influence the will of the American people through propaganda, a step officials say will help the government keep pace with Fox News and MSNBC.

“It’s about damn time,” said White House spokesman Jay Carney at a recent press briefing. “Do you people have any idea how hard a time I’ve had shaping public opinion without being able to lie? They say the truth will set you free? Hell no. Now lying, that’s golden.”

Carney went on to discuss the universal appeal and overwhelming approval of the NSA’s highly-successful “we’re listening to all of your phone calls to protect you” program.

Until this month, the Smith-Mundt Act of 1948 explicitly forbade disinformation campaigns and psychological operations aimed at influencing public opinion. However the 2012 National Defense Authorization Act included the Smith-Mundt Modernization Act of 2012. This act—proposed by Representatives Mac Thornberry (R-TX) and Adam Smith (D-WA)—allows the State Department and Pentagon to directly disseminate campaigns of misinformation to the U.S. public.

“For too long have our enemies, namely partisan cable news outlets, been allowed to spread horrible lies to the American public, subverting our efforts to govern this nation,” explained Smith. “Well now two can play at that game. Did you know we haven’t had a single American soldier die in Afghanistan? Well now you do.”

Thornberry explained the need for the elimination of the Smith-Mundt Act of 1948 by saying that it “ties the hands of America’s diplomatic officials, military, and others by inhibiting our ability to effectively communicate in a credible way.”

“But now, when something really bad happens, we can just produce a bunch of emotional public service announcements that explain how it’s all MSNBC’s fault,” he added.

President Obama, who signed the bill into law in January of this year, assured the country that his new-found ability to legally lie to the public would be not be abused. “This act puts us on a level playing field with Fox News,” he explained. “They’ve been killing us in the hearts and minds demographic for years because let’s face it, an exciting lie is always going to be more interesting than a boring truth. But now when they want to talk about how I’m some sort of secret Kenyan Muslim, I can counter with ‘facts’ like my grandparents came over on the Mayflower or that I’m one of People Magazine’s 50 Most Beautiful People.”

When informed of the government’s intentions to use propaganda to shape public opinion, FOX News Channel President Roger Ailes rolled his eyes while mumbling, “Amateurs.”