Uganda Deals Crippling Blow to Homosexual Recruiting

KAMPALA, Uganda—LGBT advocates in charge of bolstering the number of African children who identify as homosexual are facing an uphill battle after Uganda’s Parliament approved a new law that punishes “aggravated homosexuality” with life imprisonment.

Homosexuality already had been illegal in Uganda, but the bill’s author, David Bahati, said a more stringent law was necessary in order to stop recruitment efforts launched by homosexuals from the West.

Even without the death penalty that appeared in earlier drafts of the legislation, the new law is a major victory for anti-gay Ugandans battling for control over the sexual orientation of the nation’s youth.

“Too many innocent Ugandan children have been lured to the sinful lifestyle by evil gay recruiters out of the West. Enough was enough,” announced parliament spokeswoman Helen Kawesa.

The tough new law effectively dries up a bountiful recruitment pool of innocent African youth that the international LGBT community believed was ripe for the transition into homosexuality.

“We’re feeling the loss for sure,” said GLAAD Executive Director of Recruiting Bailey Roberts. “The fact is that there are over 30 million Ugandan children under the age of 15. That’s 30 million kids we’ll never get to turn gay.”

Roberts said that Uganda once played a key part in the LGBT effort to take over the world, but the influence of American evangelical activists in the deeply Christian nation has stymied recruitment efforts.

“It’s getting harder and harder to lure children away from the straight lifestyle,” Roberts added.  “Putin’s got Russia on lockdown, and you can forget about China. Even if we could get into North Korea, would we want to?”