Underwear Now Optional for Little Rock Teachers

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — The Little Rock Teacher’s Union recently negotiated with school district officials to afford teachers the choice to forgo underwear on Friday’s.  The plan, known as “Casual Commando Friday,” was proposed in response to the decision by the Little Rock School District requiring all teachers to wear underwear – among other things – to school every day of the week.

“We stood up for what was right,” said Art Nelson, a Little Rock biology teacher who led the charge for the right to free-ball. “Our children cannot expect to receive a proper education when their teachers are unduly restricted by these tight-fitting garments five days per week. We need some air.”

Nelson, who admits to loafing around his house most days in nothing but a robe and bunny slippers, said that his colleagues agree with him. “Go ahead. Ask any of the teachers in my building how they feel about a bunched-up bra or a boxer-shorts-wedgie before the home room bell has even rung,” said Nelson. “And when it gets hot and the AC’s not working? Oh my. Let’s just say every teacher’s got a healthy stash of Gold Bond powder in their drawers.”

Unfortunately, the casual Friday exception only applies to underwear. Other garments, including jogging suits, see-through clothing, spandex, and “cut-off jeans with ragged edges” are forbidden throughout the school year, five days per week.

“It was bad enough they tried taking away my commando privileges,” said Nelson. “Then they tell me I can’t wear jorts in the classroom anymore? Ever? That’s a load of crap if you ask me.”

Nelson lobbied for “Casual Jorts Friday,” but the school district rejected the idea, claiming that they “had to draw the line somewhere, and decided it should be about half way up the thigh.”