NewsLo
NewsLo
  • Home
  • Business
    • Accounting
    • Advertising
    • Branding
    • Career
    • Cyber Security
    • Entrepreneur
    • Jobs
    • Management
    • Marketing
    • Non Profit
    • Sales
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Web Design
  • Finance
    • Banking
    • Bankruptcy
    • Budgeting
    • Credit
    • Debt
    • Estate Wills & Trusts
    • Home Improvements
    • Law
    • Loans
    • Personal Finance
    • Taxes
    • Shopping
  • Investment
    • Crypto Currency
    • Gold & Silver
    • Hard Assets
    • Real Estate
    • Retirement
    • Stocks & Bonds
    • Trading
  • Real Estate
    • Buying
    • Selling
    • Commercial Construction
    • Construction Law
    • Home Improvement
    • Loans
    • Property Management
    • Real Estate Laws
    • Rental Property
  • Insurance
    • Auto Insurance
    • Commercial Real Estate Insurance
    • Crop Insurance
    • Dental Insurance
    • Disability Insurance
    • Health Insurance
    • Home Owners Insurance
    • Identity Theft Protection
    • Insurance Law
    • Investment Insurance
    • Life Insurance
    • Pet Insurance
    • Renters Insurance
  • Contact Us
  • Today's Headlines
  • World

Vladimir Putin Insists on Purell Before and After Billy Jean King Handshake

  • December 31, 2013
  • NewsLo
  • No comments
  • 2 minute read
Total
0
Shares
0
0
0

MOSCOW – In what the Kremlin is calling a big gay slap in the face, President Obama has nominated two lesbians-former tennis player Billy Jean King and hockey player Caitlin Cahow-to the American Olympic Committee for the 2014 Russian Sochi games. The frequently shirtless Russian President, Vladimir Putin, who has recently signed laws banning the adoption of Russian babies to foreign gay couples and “gay propaganda,” is outraged.

“If I must shake her hand,” a squeamish and slightly nauseated Putin said, “both my hand and her hand will be lathered in hand sanitizer pre and post shake. You can never be too careful about getting ‘the gay’ on you.”

King, who was once the number one rated female tennis player in the world and is arguably most famous for her win against Bobby Riggs in the “battle of the sexes,” promised she would try to keep her gay proselytizing to a minimum while in Sochi.

“I totally understand Putin’s concerns,” King said, “while I’m over there I will not tell any Russian children about scissoring. Also, I will do my best not to turn the Russian President gay. No promises though.”

King’s cooperative tone has done little to soothe the Russian President’s fears. Kremlin insiders believe Putin has been strategizing with his ministers to figure out if “no homo” must be “called” before or after the handshake. Putin is even exploring the use of a latex glove for all handshakes with homosexuals.

“The only reason the glove has not already been made mandatory,” said an anonymous Kremlin spokesperson, “is that we can’t figure out if a big hulking piece of man meat like President Putin snapping on a tight fitting latex glove would violate our ban on homosexual proselytizing.”

Total
0
Shares
Share 0
Tweet 0
Pin it 0
Related Topics
  • news humor
  • Newslo
  • Newslo Putin
  • Putin
  • Putin Sanitizer
NewsLo

Previous Article
Fox News Defends White ‘Knockout’ Attacker 1
  • Media
  • Today's Headlines

Fox News Defends White ‘Knockout’ Attacker

  • December 30, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
Next Article
Outpouring of Democratic Concern Leads Sen. Inhofe to Switch Parties 2
  • Politics
  • Today's Headlines

Outpouring of Democratic Concern Leads Sen. Inhofe to Switch Parties

  • December 31, 2013
  • NewsLo
View Post
You May Also Like
donald trump north korea
View Post
  • Featured
  • Latest Lies
  • World
  • World Feature

Donald Trump Promises To Stop “The Crazy Muslims From North Korea”

  • NewsLo
  • September 3, 2017
Trump Announces U.S.-Russia Cyber Security Unit: “Together We’ll Control The World Like In The Good, Old Cold War Days And Make America Great Again” 3
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Announces U.S.-Russia Cyber Security Unit: “Together We’ll Control The World Like In The Good, Old Cold War Days And Make America Great Again”

  • NewsLo
  • July 10, 2017
Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them” 4
View Post
  • US
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump Compares Ivanka To Syrian Children: “She’s Also Suffered A Lot As My Daughter, Had To Move Between Countries All The Time Just Like Them”

  • NewsLo
  • July 9, 2017
Kushner Attacks Paris Climate Agreement: “Why Should We Care About What Happens To Paris, We’re In The USA” 5
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Kushner Attacks Paris Climate Agreement: “Why Should We Care About What Happens To Paris, We’re In The USA”

  • NewsLo
  • July 6, 2017
Spicer: “Trump Has The Legal Right To Cancel SCOTUS Because They Serve At His Pleasure” 6
View Post
  • Featured
  • Latest Lies
  • Today's Headlines

Spicer: “Trump Has The Legal Right To Cancel SCOTUS Because They Serve At His Pleasure”

  • NewsLo
  • June 20, 2017
donald trump north korea
View Post
  • Featured
  • World
  • World Feature

Trump Claims He Built The Panama Canal “To Make America Great Again”

  • NewsLo
  • June 20, 2017
John Hagee Calls For “Prosecuting Women Who Say God’s Name During Intercourse” 7
View Post
  • Religion
  • Today's Headlines
  • US

John Hagee Calls For “Prosecuting Women Who Say God’s Name During Intercourse”

  • NewsLo
  • June 15, 2017
Trump’s Lawyer Said President Made A Mistake By Firing Comey Because “As The Commander In Chief, He Could Arrested And Jailed Him Forever” 8
View Post
  • US
  • Politics
  • Politics-Feature
  • Today's Headlines
  • US-Feature

Trump’s Lawyer Said President Made A Mistake By Firing Comey Because “As The Commander In Chief, He Could Arrested And Jailed Him Forever”

  • NewsLo
  • June 10, 2017

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

NewsLo
  • Today’s Headlines
  • Featured
  • US
  • Politics
  • World
  • Media
  • Sports
  • Privacy Policy

Input your search keywords and press Enter.