Vote on Gay Scouts Delayed; Crucial Vote on S’mores Pushed Up

NEW YORK — Citing difficulties in scheduling and a rapidly approaching spring thaw, the Boy Scouts of America have elected to push back their vote on whether to change their policy on gay members and leaders and instead devote debate and discussion time to the all-important s’mores composition vote.

Scout leaders cited organizational priorities and the general deliciousness of chocolate in the move, saying the call to continue or to end a ban on gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) scouts can wait until the proper order of graham cracker, marshmallow and chocolate (GCMC) has forever been enshrined in scout law. The BSA is set to vote on s’mores as soon as possible, and on the morality of human sexuality at its annual meeting in May.

“The GLBT vote simply must wait for the resolution of the GCMC issue,” Scouts spokesman Brian Wippnikki said in statement. “Too long have those of us who prefer our marshmallows on top of our chocolate, as opposed to the other way around, been made to feel different, alien, even sinful. Scouting should be about helping one another enjoy and protect nature and the community – there’s no room for exclusion in that.”

Our scouts deserve strong leadership, Wippnikki said. “They need to know where their scoutmasters and parents and older, role-model scouts stand on this pivotal social issue of our time. We can’t just keep kicking this can down the road. Chocolate should go where the eater pleases, either under or over the ’mallow. Or both, if Steve’s mom had time to make an extra run to the store.”

Initial response to the decision has been positive, with many scouts saying they are eager to see the issue settled. Cub Scout Jimmy Albrecht, of Scottsdale, Ariz., said too long has the bureaucracy and cronyism of scouting headquarters dictated what goes on around a campfire.

“I like s’mores,” Albrecht, 8, said. “Can we have some s’mores now?”

When pressed, Albrecht admitted that openly gay members could agitate the delicate social dynamic of the scouting paradigm, but he seemed optimistic the organization could survive without sacrificing too much.