Wal-Mart Excited to Bring the Third World Back to the United States

BENTONVILLE, Ark. — Wal-Mart has announced a new initiative to increase its sale of American made products by $50 billion over the next ten years. The world’s largest consumer retailer hopes that its pledge to return manufacturing jobs to the United States will finally show Americans what it was like to live in an economy dominated by impoverished factory workers.

“You know, when people first heard about this they were skeptical,” said Wal-Mart Chairman Rob Walton. “What they didn’t understand was that I had no intention to bring safe, cushy union jobs back to America; I plan on bringing sweat shop labor back to America.”

Walton was exuberant when explaining that now every American man, woman, or child can experience working in such a tedious and hazardous work environment. He gleefully talked about how great it was that his fellow countrymen could now find work in factories that resemble the derelict Wal-Mart facilities in Bangladesh, some of which have caught on fire and collapsed.

Walton did admit that his new initiative lost its lack of luster when he found out that the American minimum wage was $7.25 an hour.

“Do you know that in Bangladesh the minimum wage is $38 dollars a month? Why can’t people here live off that? Whatever, I’m sure I can get the Koch brothers to fix that.”

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