PYONGYANG — Proud of their recent video depicting the destruction of an American city, North Korean leaders are now hoping to learn to make a mix tape or maybe even a text message soon.
The video shows a man sleeping and apparently dreaming about a rocket being fired, a weird little space shuttle flying around the world, and then a city burning from an apparent bombing. Playing in the background while all of this is going on is, for some reason, the music to “We Are The World.”
“This is the crowning achievement of years of work by our top scientists,” North Korean leader Kim Jong-un said. “I don’t know how they got that camera up into space to follow the space shuttle around the world like that, but it was obviously the best piece of scientific work since I invented car keys.”
The video has already won the equivalent of 17 Nobel Prizes in North
Korea and is currently the top trending video among the 13 North Korean citizens who have computers. Jong-un is now hoping to use his next invention, he calls it “the Polaroid camera,” to take scary photos that he will be able to print out automatically so that he can mail them to America.
“That will really scare those stupid Americans. Just wait until they see photos that show me flying!”, Jong-un said.
Jong Un is also hoping to use another of his scientists’ latest technological breakthroughs to scare Americans even more. With this invention, which Jong-un refers to as “the Atari 2600 videogame River Raid, isn’t that a great name that I invented!?!”, his top military officials will be able to depict planes flying over America and blowing up bridges, boats and buildings while only refueling by flying over floating objects that his scientists have created.
“Stupid Americans,” Jong-un added. “This will probably give them all heart attacks! And don’t even get me started talking about my super surprise weapon that produces electric shocks when you shake my hand. I call it the Jong-un Buzzer, and I discovered it all by myself. I think it was on that day when I made 17 holes in ones golfing, bowled five 300 games and jumped my motorcycle over the Grand Canyon!”
