AUSTIN, Texas — Whole Foods CEO John Mackey has openly criticized Obamacare since 2009, likening the health care plan to “socialism” and most recently “facism.” But after meeting with a few of his college-educated Team Members—the official title for entry-level employees at the organic grocery behemoth—Mr. Mackey modified his description to “more like Marxist despotism with a Trotskyist bent and heavy undertones of totalitarianism.”
“I’ve spoken to some of my employees who are political science majors at the University of Texas,” said Mr. Mackey. “They informed me that Obama’s plan is not, in fact, straightforward Fascism, but a combination of extremist left-wing doctrine that borrows heavily from the writings of Marx and Trotsky. So I’d like to apologize for that initial comparison.”
Whole Foods is known for providing excellent health coverage to its employees. The Affordable Care Act compels competing supermarkets to do the same. “It’s not fair,” said Mr. Mackey. “Now any Joe Schmo who works at Food Emporium will get the same benefits as a Whole Foods Team Member. Whatever happened to free enterprise?”
“Oh that reminds me,” Mr. Mackey told the press. “Did you hear what the Trader Joe’s manager told a customer after they complained about the long lines? He said, ‘Why are you rushin’?’ And the customer said, ‘Because I got the Trotsky’s.’ Heh heh. Get it?”
