Wisconsin GOP Plan to Form New Country

MILWAUKEE, Wis. – State Republican officials adopted a resolution supporting “legislation that upholds Wisconsin’s right, under extreme circumstances, to secede” from the United States and form their own country. The resolution will now be voted on by Republican delegates at the state Republican Party’s annual convention on May 2-4, where supporters of the measure expect it to pass by a wide margin.

“Folks here are super psyched!” said Michael Murphy, Vice Chairman of the Republican Party’s 4th Congressional District who said he supported Wisconsin’s right to secede from the United States. “Wisconsiners are tired of being pushed around by the Federal government, and splitting away and becoming our own nation is something I know almost everyone in the Badger State wants to do.”

The resolution was put forward by the Republican Party’s 6th Congressional District, though District Chairman Dan Feyen told Republican lawmakers that he didn’t support the resolution. He claimed it had been adopted after most of the people at the meeting had already gone home.

“I mean secede from the United States?” he was later quoted as saying. “Christ, we sound like Texas.”

A number of Republican officials had hoped to kill the resolution during the April 5 meeting, but ended up adopting it instead. “I went into that meeting determined to nix the idea so we didn’t become a laughing stock,” said Joe Fadness, Executive Director of the Wisconsin State GOP. “But then I realized that America is being led by a Kenyan Nazi Socialist racist criminal who’s forcing everyone to have health coverage, so I dove right in.”

Republican supports of secession are already crowdsourcing a number of options for a name of the new nation, should the vote go their way. The top choices so far include ‘The United State of Wisconsin,’ ‘Badgerland,’ and ‘The Republic of Cheese.’