LOS ANGELES, CA – A large group of women decided to put a stop to the feminist movement that has plagued the country for the better of fifty years. Mightily holding up signs that read, “TELL US WHAT TO DO WITH OUR BODIES” AND “MY UTERUS IS YOUR UTERUS,” Stacey Wilson and Rita Johnson are clearly passionate about their rights – or rather, their right to not have rights.
“I’m just sick of women needing all this contraception mumbo jumbo,” Stacey fumed. “I have no idea how my menstrual cycle works, and why should I? I think we need to trust our government officials. These men know our bodies better than we do.”
“I agree,” chimed in Rita. “I have never used contraception, and my life has been much better for it. Sure, I have six children with five different men and none of us can afford them, but God loves me so it’s a fair trade off.”
Stacey, Rita and fifteen other anti-feminists gathered outside a Planned Parenthood on Monday afternoon to share their opinions with unsuspecting women walking in for their pelvic exam appointments. They handed out pamphlets titled “How To Surrender Your Body To Your Government” and “Leave Your Sexual Health To The Pros. P.S. It’s Not You,” and tried to convince women not to go into the sexual health center.
The group of women will hold a condom-burning event in Hollywood over the weekend. For more information, please visit www.IH8Condoms.org.