LAUSANNE, Switzerland –- The announcement from the International Olympic Committee (IOC) that beginning in 2020, wrestling will no longer be included in the Olympics, has caused such a backlash from the gay community that IOC members immediately announced that they will search for a “new gay sport” to replace it.
The IOC issued a statement that read in part, “We want everyone to get excited about the Olympics, so we are committed to finding a new sport that will get the LGBT community hot and bothered, although frankly we’re not sure what gets the ‘T’s’ off, and we’re a little uncertain about the ‘L’s’, as well.”
The brouhaha began after the IOC’s announcement that wrestling, which has its roots in ancient Greece, and has been a part of every Olympics since they first began in 1896, would be dropped.
Andy Bowen, a spokesman for the ad hoc group “Gays for Keeping Wrestling in the Olympics,” said, “Wrestling began in ancient Greece as a socially acceptable way for young men to become physically intimate and sweaty with each other. It paved the way for the acceptance of man-on-man action in the bathhouses after the match. For the IOC to drop the sport is a big ‘blow’ – and I use that word in a pejorative sense – to the gay rights movement, just as gays are finally getting a starring role on the stage of world affairs.”
The IOC is compiling a list of new sports to include. Unconfirmed reports suggest that some early entries could include Judy Garland Impersonating, Synchronistic Leather-Chap Wearing, Brunch, and Broadway Show Tune Karaoke.