George Zimmerman Hoping People Will Leave Him Alone If He Lets a Black Man Beat Him Up

SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA – George Zimmerman, who was acquitted last July on all charges in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, has agreed to a celebrity boxing match to be held on March 1 against a not-yet-selected opponent in hopes that seeing Zimmerman get beat to a pulp will make America cut him some slack.

“Ever since the incident, my name has been dragged through the mud,” said Zimmerman. “Just because I shot and killed an unarmed kid, I’m suddenly the guy America loves to hate. It’s time to put all that past me, and I figure if people see some big black guy punch me over and over in the face, they’ll let up.”

Despite Zimmerman’s statement, celebrity boxing promoter Damon Feldman, who is organizing the fight, says the racial background of Zimmerman’s opponent has not been decided. “We’re not looking at it as a race thing,” the promoter said. “We haven’t discussed purple, yellow, white, black.”

Zimmerman, who has said he will donate his proceeds from the fight to charity, rolled his eyes at Feldman’s comment. “Yeah right,” he said. “Like people are going to pay to watch me duke it out with a white guy. Who’s he kidding?”

The former neighborhood watchman is no stranger to boxing. “It’s something I had picked up well before the incident and it’s something that I liked, I enjoyed,” he said. “There’s just something awesome about attacking people you don’t even know. I totally dig that.”

Asked if he thought allowing a black man to knock the bejeezus out of him would give America peace, Zimmerman was realistic. “It’ll certainly help, but I doubt it’ll completely erase the stain,” he said. “That’s why I’m also planning on fighting a couple of domestic abuse victims in April.”

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